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What Is Stopping You?

This post was most recently updated on March 26th, 2014

What Is Stopping YouI have a dear client that I’ve known for many years as her psychic consultant.  She comes to me for consultation on a regular basis, and I’ve watched her grow over the years.  Now this gal is super intelligent.  I mean her I.Q. is actually extraordinary. 

She can learn anything with lightning speed.  She is funny and great to be with because of her awesome sense of humor.  She has so much going for her and doesn’t realize it

About a year ago, she was frustrated with her job.  I mentioned to her that with all her knowledge she could take it on the internet and market herself in so many ways.  She listened.

Since then, she has been learning just about EVERYTHING about internet marketing, blogging, social media and all the rest.  She is one gal that can answer any question you ever wanted to know about most of these things.

I asked her “When are you going to put up your blog and especially your gravatar?”    She replied  “I just can’t put a picture of myself up.  I don’t like the way I look.  And what can I ever blog about?”

WHAT’S STOPPING YOU?

Well, to make a long story short, she was so fearful of her picture getting out there, and so obsessed about writing correctly that she lacked the confidence to get started.  I don’t mean she was hesitant and slow to act, I mean she was paralyzed with fear.

Now mind you, she can write quite eloquently, and is fully capable of sharing what she has been learning over the past year.  She was a teacher.  She’s a gifted writer.  She just has so much to give.  I told her that but she just couldn’t bring herself to take action.

She absolutely could not get over that gravatar!  And she just generally suffered from a severe and chronic case of the “paralysis of analysis”.  If she wasn’t going to be able deliver an absolutely perfect piece of content, she wasn’t going to deliver it at all.  Result: she delivered absolutely nothing online.  Sound familiar?  Lots of us have this problem, just probably not to this extreme degree.  

To break her free of her paralysis and get her up and running, we decided on a simple plan of action:

1.  Get her picture and do a little photoshop on it.

2.  Change her name a bit.  That was so she wouldn’t have that problem of neuro-linking her “dreaded” past to her future potential.  Yes, her past issues are something she deals with.  We work on this persistently in consultation.  But I wanted to give her a short cut past these energy blocks, and encourage her to act as if she were her ideal self, even if she had no confidence she could ever become that person.  

As an exercise, I helped her develop an entirely parallel persona.  This allowed her to be online as “someone else”.  She was comfortable “performing” in this role, since it undercut the pressure she had built on herself to be perfect in everything she undertook.

3.  We are now fine tuning the brand she constructed for this new “person”.  She has an arsenal of skillets because she is an avid student of marketing.  We wrote down a list of everything she knows and was interested in blogging about.  We went through each one carefully and came to the conclusion that one particular subject she could never stop talking about.  This, we discovered, was her greatest passion.

Voila… now it is her brand.

4.  We kept that list on the back burner, ready to develop more fully a bit deeper into the process.  But when someone is “stuck” from acting constructively, it is key that they begin somewhere, and that means to start on just one thing.  Otherwise, they become quickly overwhelmed and have another excuse to procrastinate, and put off any action.

Now, she is ready to go!  

So what was stopping her all this time (I mean, years)?

It was some very deep rooted issues she experienced as a child.  We will continue to work on these things in session, but meanwhile… there is nothing to stop her from starting her new career as an online entrepreneur.  She is happy and comfortable hiding behind her new pen name and photoshop gravatar.  

You probably don’t have the problems that this woman struggles with, but we all have certain issues that stop us along our journey.  

Rest assured, though, that there is always a way to get around them.  Don’t get stuck in the paralysis of analysis trap, and don’t let anything else to stand in your way, either.

We just have to make lists of all the things we are good at and passionate about, then move forward from there.  

So what is stopping you?

Don’t wait for years to overcome those things.  Get the help you need from a coach, a mentor… even a psychic… lol… and move forward today.

I would love to hear some stories of your past or present in the comments below.  But if you are too shy to chime in, that’s ok.  You can write about someone else you have observed.  

And, while your at it, share this post on your social sites with folks that you think will benefit from it.

-Donna

Donna Merrill
Donna is a well known blogger and creator of "Blogging Magic" - an intensive guide to blogging. "Blogging Magic" is for beginners who are trying to figure out how to bring their blogs to life with tons of visits, comments and social media interaction. It's even for advanced bloggers looking to reach new levels of authority and engagement with their audience.

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70 Responses to What Is Stopping You?

  1. Mark
    Twitter:
    August 7, 2014 at 6:08 pm #

    That’s a major problem Donna!

    Unfortunately far too many extremely talent people are literally stifled
    by some type paralysis!

    In fact, you’ve probably heard it said, that lots of people actually
    rank fear of public speaking, higher than their fear of death!

    That’s an incredible revelation. Thank goodness, with your help, encouragement and coaching.

    She’ll be able to overcome whatever her personal issues are and she can share her
    God given gifts with even more people online.

    Thanks for sharing that inspiring story!
    Mark recently posted..Think Direct Marketing: If You’re Really Serious About Out Promoting Your Big Buck Competition! Part TwoMy Profile

    • Donna Merrill
      Twitter:
      August 9, 2014 at 4:11 pm #

      Hi Mark,

      So may people are afraid. Making decisions out of fear is always the wrong thing to do.

      Whenever fear sticks we need to face it and do something about it. Works like a charm!

      -Donna
      Donna Merrill recently posted..Create Your Awesome AuthorityMy Profile

  2. Charmie
    Twitter:
    May 6, 2014 at 6:01 am #

    Glad to know that you helped out a person who was in real need of both a moral as well as a potential support. Well, there are at times some experiences which we can’t help to get through it. Sometimes its not always the lack of confidence but at times it happens that the past results and the present situations and circumstances deprive you from taking any further step.
    Charmie recently posted..DigiHawker Review – The Right Strategy To Make Money OnlineMy Profile

  3. Sue Bride
    Twitter:
    November 23, 2013 at 12:17 am #

    I know that creating your own videos is valuable for your brand and for tutorials but I resist making them.

    Although my self esteem as improved a huge amount over the years there is a part of me that is still that extremely shy girl I used to be.

    My older brother used to tease me far beyond the normal job description for an older brother. One of the things he would do is laugh at the way I pronounced certain words. He would ask me repeatedly to say those words and if I did he would laugh at me again. I of course started to avoid using them at all.

    Although I have lived in Australia for 30 years my northern English accent still shines through strong. I know some people have difficulties understanding me, especially if they are from a non-Aussie, non-UK English background.

    I reckon it is a combination of these that holds me back from making my own videos.
    Sue Bride recently posted..Help My Blog Content Is Being CopiedMy Profile

  4. Leslie Denning
    Twitter:
    October 25, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    Hi Donna. Loved this. I’m kind of the opposite of your friend. I jump into things and THEN try to figure out what the heck I’m doing! It’s usually worked out pretty well, although I never take the straightest path to where I’m going.

    I really enjoyed reading how you went about getting clarity for your client. Can I call you on the psychic hotline? LOL. I do agree that having some kind of mentor is so important.

    Thanks for sharing this information.

    All the best,
    Leslie
    Leslie Denning recently posted..Choosing a Domain NameMy Profile

  5. Nile July 30, 2013 at 3:35 am #

    I definitely tell people that nothing should stop them from succeeding. I’ve had people who say they have been stalked online in such a severe way that they feared for their life. There is a solution to that… just like you had with this gal.
    Nile recently posted..What Can You Do to Reclaim Your Guest Posts From Other BlogsMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      August 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

      Hi Nile.

      We cannot let ANYTHING get in our way! Even that stalking syndrome that often happens to people….there is always a way to get around it.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..The Blogger’s RolodexMy Profile

  6. Patricia Gozlan July 28, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

    What a great question Donna!
    What is stopping us….?
    I help service professionals get out of their own way and prosper.
    Althought nothing stops me I have some negative thoughts on speaking in public in front of many people.
    This is a thought I am working on by exercizing and feeling more and more confident.
    In my case action is the 1st ingredient to success.
    The more mistakes I do while learning the more confident I feel.
    I think that for each on eof us what counts is fiding the right mindset and a big WHY that will keep us trying again and agian until we like the results we produce.
    Thanks for sharing and blessings your way!

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      August 4, 2013 at 2:54 pm #

      What a beautiful comment Patricia!

      At least you KNOW what is stopping you and are taking action to improve it.

      Taking action is the first ingredient to success.

      Funny because you have such a lovely voice and seem so confident when you speak. Good luck with it because you need to be spreading your wise words.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..The Blogger’s RolodexMy Profile

  7. Ti Roberts July 25, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

    Fantastic piece, Donna.

    Wow, it’s really interesting how your client was afraid to “get out there” because of her picture!

    I can understand that some people can be rather self-conscious about how they look. I admit, I sometimes am as well. But I don’t let it stop me from getting my name out there and making things happen.

    I love your message and the tips you offered up to remedy the problem. Changing your name a bit is a great suggestion to separate your personal or past life from your business and it’s future.

    Who says bloggers can’t have a “stage name”. Entertainers do it all the time.

    This is my first time visiting your blog, Donna, and I’m loving what I’ve seen and read so far. I’ll be sure to share this piece with my social circle. I’ll also comment and share it with the BizSugar community.

    Keep the great content coming and I look forward to connecting with you more soon.

    Ti
    Ti Roberts recently posted..[VIDEO] TRTT Episode #7 – Should You Swap Guest Posting For Paid Advertising? (subscriber questions answered)My Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      Welcome Ti!

      Thanks so much for your wonderful comment.

      When coaching those newbies, we have to find a way to get around things until they are comfortable.

      The main thing is action! So many people on line will talk about getting started, but never do anything about it.

      Time is money. I don’t like to see great talent go to waste. Everyone is different and when I work with people, each one has a unique talent.

      It is bringing out that talent as a seed from which a great business can thrive is why I just love doing what I do.

      -Donna
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  8. Rachel Lavern July 7, 2013 at 7:09 pm #

    Hi Donna,

    What a wonderful example of moving your client to taking steps to break through the self-imposed barriers currently stopping her so that she can finally start living a freedom-based lifestyle. We all deserve that…we just need to deal with those habits, attitudes, beliefs and expectations that are really holding us back and get past them. Congratulations!
    Rachel Lavern recently posted..Impatience Makes Us Do Foolish ThingsMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 18, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

      Whoops, I missed your comment Rachel!

      Thank you for your kind words. It takes a little push sometimes when we are coaching others. I chose this example because many of us have to deal with folks that are full of fear. It is our job to help them overcome that.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..Marketing Lesson From Get ResponseMy Profile

  9. Raena Lynn July 7, 2013 at 10:01 am #

    Hi Donna,

    It’s wonderful that you were able to encourage your friend to at least start in one direction. Her case sounds so extreme, but you were still able to move her into taking action and getting over her fears.

    This story proves how interdependent some people are with their past, and it all relates to subconscious beliefs. This is sad because something terrible must have happened to her as a child to hang on to fears which have caused “paralysis of analysis.” There are so many resources to help her through this but you’ve given her a chance. She has so much to offer once she gets over the “perfectionism syndrome” which is a different topic.

    Your post shows you have a big heart. As she progresses and gets to a point to post her real avatar and begin to write blog posts, it will be truly rewarding for you. You nudged her to begin, and that is what she needed. Thanks for sharing Donna 🙂

    Raena Lynn
    Raena Lynn recently posted..Make Money Online With My Top Tier Business (MTTB)My Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 18, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

      Thank you Raena!

      Spot on when you said that this story proves how our past can interfere with our journey due to that lingering subconscious mind.

      Well I wouldn’t say I have such a big heart, but rather it is my job to fix what people ask me to the best way I can.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..Marketing Lesson From Get ResponseMy Profile

  10. Lesly Federici
    Twitter:
    July 7, 2013 at 9:01 am #

    Donna,
    I know so well how things can hold you back. Many times it is something that happened as a kid .. but looking through “different eyes” can help heal and move you forward. Wonderful, insightful post …
    Lesly Federici recently posted..Your Gifts For OthersMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 18, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

      Thank you Lesly,

      Sorry for the delay, but yes, as kids stuff happens and it is up to us to overcome it. We cannot let that linger in our subconscious to stop us from our journey.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..Marketing Lesson From Get ResponseMy Profile

  11. Yorinda July 6, 2013 at 10:33 pm #

    Hi Donna,
    the lady you are writing about is so blessed to have you help her work through what is blocking her and to develop an action plan and start somewhere.
    Childhood experiences can have formed deep rooted belief systems that, without help especially, may be difficult to uncover.
    I feel blessed that I have a counsellor who uses IDT (Interactional Drawing Therapy) which helps me uncover old patterns and to build new neural pathways.

    Thank you so much for sharing this!
    Love and Light
    Yorinda
    Yorinda recently posted..Loving Kindness PrayerMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

      Hi Yorinda,

      I too am blessed with a great therapist that does EMDR therapy with me.

      Each time I come out of her office I feel like I lost ten pounds! I’m cleansing my subconscious so I can be fearless!

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  12. Cherrie Bautista July 6, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

    What if you don’t know what’s stopping you? What if you keep on taking actions, then you keep on getting stuck, no matter how hard you work. You manage to unstuck yourself and move a little forward, then something happens again. You see people who basically started at the same time as you, and they managed to go leaps and bounds ahead of you and start to ask yourself when will you be at the same level with them?
    Cherrie Bautista recently posted..Your Relationship with YourselfMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

      Aha Good Question Cherrie!

      That is when we have to go inside of ourselves. If we cannot do it with self help books or Personal Development free stuff on line, then it is time to reach out for a therapist, coach, anyone that could help.

      I do it all the time Cherrie. Right now I’m in the middle of EMDR therapy to re-process my subconscious fears and horrors and reprogram it with strength and fearlessness.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  13. Julieanne van Zyl July 5, 2013 at 8:40 pm #

    Hi Donna, I work with a group of people and see this problem with so many of them. It’s usually finding their niche and USP that slows them down, perhaps for the same reasons as your client. You sound like a great coach, I’ll send them over to you, if they are motivated enough to “get past” their “stuckness”.
    Julieanne van Zyl recently posted..Keep Hackers away with these Security TipsMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

      Thanks Julieanne!

      Once they are passed that “stuck” phase, they are ready to roll. I will work with those who are stuck, but if they keep making excuses, I just tell them to get in touch with me when they are REALLY ready to learn.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  14. adesanmi adedotun
    Twitter:
    July 4, 2013 at 5:18 am #

    What a great greatness promoter you are! I can tell the whole world that what human make use off is limited percent of what he/she is made up. There is no limitation to which one can learn as long as one is ready to learn
    adesanmi adedotun recently posted..How to increase blog traffic without SEOMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:53 pm #

      Thank you so much Adesanmi.

      Very true. As long as one is willing to learn, there is no limitation.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  15. Mayura
    Twitter:
    July 4, 2013 at 1:59 am #

    Hi Donna,

    Wonderful story! 🙂 I always admire how you guide people to overcome their issues my friend. Such stories have been inspiring throughout my lifetime too.

    I know of friends who wouldn’t go ahead and put up their own images too 🙂 What I’ve observed in ’em is they are being defensive most of the time.

    Well, I’m prone to be defensive too Donna. I still do for some extent. You might never believe me, but I’m not this talkative ME at home 🙂 But that’s who I wanna be in future. Well, when I’ll be on my own with no one’s supervision 😉

    I’ve been thinking how others think about me and what I’m doing all the time. Sometimes, I had no choice but follow what I’ve been told to do. Hence, I was trying to be perfect in whatever thing I do too so no one can find any error in there. If I need something to do myself, I tend to do it secretly then. Same goes for blogging too 🙂 But I’m pushing myself up with the help of awesome folks around me while growing my self-esteem.

    Thank you for inspiration again Donna 🙂

    You have a lovely day there, alright?

    Cheers…
    Mayura recently posted..How to Add Google+ Follow Button to Your WebsiteMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:49 pm #

      Hmmm How do I see you Mayura?

      Well here goes:

      Intelligent
      A young man with values and morals
      A kind heart that reaches out to people
      A great sense of humor
      A wonderful friend
      A conscientious business person
      A respectful person
      …..I can write a book

      But one thing I know is that if someone out there has a problem, you always lend a hand to fix it.

      You ARE AWESOME!!!!!!

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  16. Beth Hewitt
    Twitter:
    July 3, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    Hi Donna,

    You went clearly above and beyond, helping carve out this new persona for your client. I am so glad that you could come up with some workable solution to allow her to own her greatness and space on the internet.

    It just goes to show that what ever the hurdle or the dear there is always a way around it.

    Great post,

    Beth 🙂
    Beth Hewitt recently posted..Stupid things to Ask a BloggerMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:45 pm #

      Hi Beth,

      Well, being an intuitive helps going above and beyond lol. When I have a client and they ask for me to put on my psychic hat I do. Then we can get down to a deeper level of moving forward.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  17. Neamat Tawadrous
    Twitter:
    July 3, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

    Hi Donna,

    Glad you were able to create a simple plan of action for your client and help her out. Fear is really crippling and can stop people on their tracks if they submit to it.

    I have to admit that fear sometimes also stops me. Like now I am trying to find my spot in my niche and craft my brand around that spot and people tell me to find something that I am passionate about and I can’t stop talking about everyday. Honestly, I am searching myself but I can’t find that thing and it is affecting my self-confidence nowadays as why I can’t find that thing and everybody else is. Oh well, I hope I come with a different story sometime soon.

    Thanks Donna for a great reminder and for the encouragement to move beyond our fears. Have yourself a great rest of the week.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

      Hi Neamat,

      Sorry for the late response, but I’m working like crazy these days lol.

      Fear: It will stop you in your tracks. I would suggest you write down all those things affecting your self confidence. Think about them and where they came from. Maybe there was a kid that sat next to you in school that has hurt you in some way and your subconscious won’t let it go. Same goes for anything that affected you in the past.

      When I am at an impass I go for EMDR Therapy. It is amazing how we can reach our subconscious level, face the fear, and then re program it.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  18. Jon Patrick July 3, 2013 at 2:48 pm #

    Hi Donna,
    What great lessons, and those of us lucky enough either get the confidence to get over issues like this, or stumble around until we figure it out.
    Honestly, while I never coach being ‘fake’, the internet gives us the amazing ability to almost start over, becoming the person we wish to be. If you can psychologically separate yourself from your past – be it career, personal or health mistakes, etc – you can start over fresh online, and make it your brand.
    Look at any dramatic weight-loss success story that took control, recreated themselves, and went on to share their story and change lives. Are they fat, lazy, unmotivated Joe Smith, or Joe Smith, coach that can change your future?
    It’s all up to you to seize the opportunity and run with it!

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:36 pm #

      Hi Jon,

      Well you are right on target. We do need to work on that psychological part of ourselves. I cannot think of one person who didn’t have a rosy past.

      We either had to go through stuff in our past or it could be our impression we had. Whatever the case may be, this is an important part of our growth and we need to plunge ahead.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  19. Barry Wells July 3, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    Hi Donna,

    First off I want to thank you on behalf of the person because without your input this poor soul would be stuck forever more. It say’s a lot about you Donna and I take my hat off to you.

    When I first started playing at working online I sat in a little bubble trying to figure it out for myself and found I wasn’t getting anywhere… 4 years later I decided I had to get someone to show me how IT’s done and signed up for a mentor, installed my blog and started making progress.

    When I started blogging I was told to tell my story, and having been bashing my head for 4 years I knew where to start 😉

    I liken life, and many situations, to an athletic track. We go around and around until we hit hurdles, then we have 4 choices:
    1, we get straight over it and continue on the journey.
    2, we crash right trough it and continue the journey.
    3, we get a little wise, get around it and continue on the journey.
    4, we stay right there, focusing on the hurdle and the journey STOPS.

    Those 4 examples have helped me every time I hit a hurdle, get over it, get around it, get through it or give up.

    We need to assess those choices, and if need be, get the help we need to get us back on track, with options 1, 2 or 3.

    I wish your client every success, in every aspect of life, and hope to be visiting her blog in the near future… Even if I don’t relate her blog to this post 😉

    Fair play to you Donna.

    All the best,
    Barry
    Barry Wells recently posted..Allow Me To Introduce Myself To Marketing MiniclassesMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

      Thank you Barry,

      I love your four wise choices. So true! We all need to move ahead and take action or we will just be lingering in space!

      I know she will take a long time to do this, but I’m pushing her like a drill sargent he he

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  20. Dee Ann Rice
    Twitter:
    July 3, 2013 at 11:01 am #

    Donna,

    I think we all have things from our past that inhibit use rom succeeding. Maybe not to the extent that the women you know.

    I know the most of the people I know, myself included, are nervous about the unknow or unfamiliar.
    That includes actually doing what it takes to be successful online or as an entrepreneur.

    It is always great to have someone to help point us in the right direction and give the encouragement we need to be able to succeed. I know I have appreciated those people in my life.

    Dee Ann
    Dee Ann Rice recently posted..How To Install NetworkedBlogs And FeedBurnerMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 12, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

      We all do Dee Ann!

      Fear is something to be worked on continuously. I find that when I’m at a crossroad and cannot do it myself, I do go for help. Sometimes hypnosis or EMDR work well to keep on plunging ahead.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..SocializeMy Profile

  21. Gladys
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 8:23 pm #

    Hello Ms. Donna
    What can I say, but WOW. I call this Divine Intervention.
    You are incredible to have a heart to help those in need.
    Fear will paralyze anyone. Like your friend, she did not fear herself, but she feared what others might have said or thought about her.
    I know from my own experiences, that fear and low self esteem can disable anyone.
    I am so glad for her and we can say… We have not see the end of it.
    Donna, Thank you for serving people.
    I love this post.

    Gladys recently posted..Five Techniques To Build Your Emotional Muscle
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  22. Lisa
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 7:43 pm #

    LOL, Donna loved this post. I think I was the opposite and started along with fumbles along the way. Using an image vs a photo as my first gravatar. Using free Blogger before WordPress. But I sure learned a lot along the way. I think many people don’t get started because they are afraid to fail. I can’t wait to see her stuff Donna.
    Like the Nike logo says, just do it, right?
    Lisa recently posted..Learn From My Interview with Ms.Ileane – How to Master BloggingMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm #

      Absolutely Lisa!

      Just Do It! I came into the internet world strong. I had my picture all over the place from my off line business. That was a giant leap at the time, but I got over it.

      So when I came on line it wasn’t a problem. Videos were for me, so I entered a 30 day video challenge and can now just do a video at will.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  23. Arleen
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    I understand where this woman is coming from. I think it is great that you were able to help. Where were you when I needed you? I have been afraid of Gravatar, Facebook, Google + or anything where I had to show my picture. I was afraid to put out my real name. The fear was identity theft. I finally decided that anyone can Google just about anything about you so I decided to put up my picture. That was so hard to do.

    A couple of weeks I got freaked out. I got a call from my credit card company and they said that someone was on the other line calling from another state and they had my social security number and my credit card number and wanted a new card sent to them with another name as they were authorizing it to be sent as me. We closed the account and I was thankful that the bank called in the first place. The first thing that came to mind is that my name and picture is all over the internet and that is how this person got the information. I have taken action to protect myself and realized that I can’t live in fear. If someone wants to get your information they can. I decided not to let this incident cripple me and I have moved on.
    Arleen recently posted..Jay Z + Samsung Reap the Benefits of Giving Things AwayMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

      Good for you Arleen!

      I’m sure your credit card had nothing to do with your picture and social media.

      There are so many ways a person can grab your identity. Probably from a receipt, or something out of your garbage. Always shred!!!!

      I am so glad to hear that you moved on anyway.

      I was afraid at first also, but business is business, and if we are going to do it on line, then we need to put ourselves out there.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  24. Susan Cooper
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    Boy sure sounded like a few years back. Thankfully I was able to overcome that. How luck she had you to help her through her fears.
    Susan Cooper recently posted..Springhouse Frog: Story (Podcast)My Profile

  25. sherman smith July 2, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

    Hey Donna,

    A lot of us have our insecurities and for a while I was very hesitant in starting a blog. I’m wasn’t the best writer back then and I still don’t consider myself the best writer.

    The difference with me was that I wanted to become better. I wanted to get better at internet marketing and writing. With all the books and blogs I have been reading It was a given that I can improve.

    So yes, there’s always a way to go around your insecurities and attack them from behind LOL I’ve ran into a couple of people that are like the lady you described. It amazes me how much talent and personality they have but yet they let their insecurities get the best of them.

    It’s great to have people like you to get them to look at a different perspective so that they can move forward. Thanks Donna for sharing this story!

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 7:47 pm #

      Glad you liked my story Sherman.

      Insecurities and fear are something we must battle constantly. Not only in business, but in all aspects of life.

      The one thing we can count on is change. We need to go with the flow and get over any fears we have.

      I know this well, because I had many and it took work to get over them. Hey, If I can do it, anyone can!

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  26. Barbara Charles
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 11:22 am #

    Hi Donna,

    I like this article.
    What was stopping me was fear of rejection, an issue I’m sure everyone has. Particularly when you don’t feel prepared to answer the questions people may have for you, even when you know the answer. Fear of rejection can freeze a person as effectively as your lady friend above.

    I got over mind gradually as I developed confidence in what I knew and shared and as I saw others getting results.
    It works.
    Great article. Perfect for us all. Many people have a fear of something that holds us back. But breaking through feels phenomenal!
    Barbara
    Barbara Charles recently posted..The Emotional Side of Your Online BusinessMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

      Hi Barbara,

      Yes, it does feel phenomenal when we breakthrough our fears. Oh that fear of rejection. That usually comes from the past.

      Our family, school friends, etc. When we are young these things can have a profound effect on us. We can rationalize all we want, but we must face the fact that we do need to work with out subconscious mind.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  27. Silviu July 2, 2013 at 4:56 am #

    Hi Donna,

    Beautiful article. A lot of things can be said. A lot of memories …

    1. The fear to start, the paralysis analysis. What a common and powerful fear. It stopped me for months and months. Exactly as in this story somebody helped me. Just a little bit. Then I soon realized that all those fears were nothing but illusions. It was so easy to start and do those things. Sometimes the only thing you need is a little helping hand.

    2. Changed the name a little bit? What an interesting technique! Almost like another identity, free from the connections with the past. You did the right thing. There is nothing wrong with a different name. Sooner or later her confidence will grow and maybe she will be able to use her real name.

    3. That technique is so interesting that I am tempted to try it myself.

    4. Psychic consultant? Donna, are you some kind of medium?

    Have a nice day
    Silviu recently posted..Net Market Success Manifesto and Mainstream WisdomMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

      Hi Silviu!

      Yes that paralysis analysis is a common one isn’t it? And yes, a helping hand can do the trick.

      I know she would never get out there unless she changed her name a bit to break from past issues.

      I’m glad you enjoyed this and Yes, I am a psychic. I’ve been doing consultations for around 30 years. I’m still going strong lol.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  28. Chery Schmidt
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 2:00 am #

    Hey Donnq, What a topic paralysis of analysis trap! OH Yeh Been there done that!! You did a great job with your friend you are a very wise and kind hearted gal Donna.

    The most important thing that I have done to to journey.. Yes every night I ask myself this question”What did I do today that was productive” Now no one else see’s this so I can be honest, Then if I am not happy with the answer I write about what I can so better tomorrow..

    You see I have never really kept myself accountable for my actions before Now this is how I am doing it,,

    Thanks for sharing Donna, this was very helpful
    Chery 🙂
    Chery Schmidt recently posted..Celebrate Your Life!My Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

      Hi Chery,

      You are so spot on when you say the most important thing you have done is to journey.

      Life is a continuous journey and change is one thing we can count on. As long as we are on that road, nothing can stop us!

      Oh yes, we have to be accountable for every action we take, no matter how small. Life is so great when we can see it with this mindset.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  29. Nate Leung
    Twitter:
    July 2, 2013 at 1:08 am #

    I can relate to this. For many years, I would shy away from putting myself out there in internet land. I didn’t want people to find me, and I didn’t want people to know where I was. You can say, I wanted to fly under the radar.

    A year ago I made a decision that I wanted to grow my business to a large scale and in order for me to grow my business outside of my local marketplace I had to build on the internet.

    Some of the stuff I have done to overcome my fear of putting myself out there.

    This all happened about a year ago and it went in this order…

    1) Create a Facebook fan page. It bothered me and I didn’t like the fact that my profile would be out there in the open. Fast forward to a year later, my fan page has over 2,000 fans.

    2) Create a blog with my picture on it. This was big step as well. I did it with the intention of telling myself not to care about what others thought of me.

    3) My first 3 minute video that took me three days to complete. Lol.

    I took actions on all three of these items with a leap of faith that it would help grow my business and it did, it has helped out tremendously.

    Looking back, what people think of me is really none of my business. Before I put myself out there, I have accepted that fact that I will not be able to please everyone. I will probably grow some haters too as well.

    As the saying goes, “haterade” is my Gatorade. Lol.

    Great post Donna!
    Nate Leung recently posted..MLM Residual Income Series Part 2: Why Residual Income is Better than Employee WagesMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 11:39 am #

      Nate,

      What a great share…I thank you!

      Oh that video thing…It took me a long time but I put myself out there with a 30 day video challenge. I was so uptight about what I looked like. But, by the fifth day, I did not care at all. At the end, I didn’t even wear make up!

      I like the saying “haterade” is my Gatorade! Oh I have had some “haters” out there, but it rolls off my shoulder. I just block and spam them and go on my way.

      My view is that yes, I am an older woman in a young peoples market. But, I have many things to offer. If people like me and follow me, great! Who the heck wants anyone that doesn’t like you to be in your space?

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  30. Sonia July 1, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

    Fear can cripple you if you let it. There are many things I haven’t done because I was more happy to sabotage my efforts before I even got started. Its funny that she held up her potential based on how she looked online, but happens to the best of us and I have known a few people that didn’t start their dreams for less. I saw this quote other day and it slapped me right in the face: “When you walk up to opportunities door, don’t knock it…kick that b–h in, smile and introduce yourself” Dwayne “The Rock”Johnson.
    Sonia recently posted..8 Forums New Bloggers Should Be On the Lookout ForMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 11:27 am #

      Hi Sonia!

      Oh I love that quote! Thanks for contributing that.

      Fear does cripple the best of us. Let’s face it, the truth is we all have fears. But we must pinpoint them and overcome it.

      I had a fear of swimming because I was almost drowned by a bunch of kids horsing around. I used to dive and loved the water until then.

      Years past…decades! But a few years ago I joined a gym with a pool. It only went to 5 feet (that’s how tall I am) but I pretended it was ten feet and swam each day. I did not touch the floor when I got winded, but floated on my back to reach the other side.

      Now I can swim again! Fear…that is something we have to face.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  31. Corina Ramos July 1, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

    Wow Donna,

    It sounds like you’ve really helped this lady make a breakthrough. You helped her step by step and that’s so awesome of you.

    I can definitely relate her lack of confidence. That has been my issue from the get-go and it’s something I coach myself on daily by saying positive affirmations out loud.

    What a success story for your client and I wish her all the best. Hope you had a great day and wishin’ you a fabulous July!
    Corina Ramos recently posted..In The Summer I Spend The Most Money On ElectricityMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 2, 2013 at 11:23 am #

      Corina..

      I am surprised! Your blog is so wonderful and you are a popular gal! Oh that confidence thing….I had it too. It does take a while to shake it off.

      I still work on myself in other ways. We all have weak points, but as long as we know what they are, we can work through them.

      Affirmations do work and I only wish you could see yourself like others do. You are doing such a great job and are very knowledgeable. I wish I had a magic mirror to show you that.

      Blessings to you,
      Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  32. Adrienne
    Twitter:
    July 1, 2013 at 5:35 pm #

    That is pretty extreme Donna, that poor woman. To be so intelligent too and I bet she’s really a sweetheart on top of that.

    I’m so glad you’ve been able to help her move past some of that and at least create the person she would like to be through her gravatar and hopefully her blog.

    You know I preach all the time about just being you and putting yourself out there but I had an interesting conversation with a very well known blogger online about a month ago now. She doesn’t have her avatar up and won’t either, it’s her company logo. She told me that people automatically judge her because she’s more manly built and she’s had some negative reactions just from people looking at her photo. She was actually shocked by this but realized that although we would love to say we don’t judge people, we all secretly do. I really felt for her but it didn’t stop her and she’s a powerhouse online and very successful.

    So I have no doubt that your client can be the same. I’m so thrilled to hear the steps she’s taking.

    I think in the beginning I was fearful of what people would think or maybe even ignore me altogether but look was ridiculous thoughts those were. lol… We’re all fearful of the unknown and I’m sure that if she were to put herself out there she would be pleasantly surprised. I sure was.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted..Why You Are Your BrandMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 1, 2013 at 7:29 pm #

      Hi Adrienne,

      Oh I can see her point! And I’m sure she knows what she is doing. It’s too bad people make judgements about how other people look.

      Now I’m no spring chicken, and no beauty queen, but I’m me. If some people cannot relate to what I look like I just feel that it is to my own benefit.

      It’s like automatic weeding. I want to work with people who want to work with me. I did have huge hangups about my picture, but got over it quickly a long time ago.

      In the 90’s I had a column in a local newspaper, was on TV, and had my own radio show, whereby they had my picture up. Oh boy I was scared to death. But I did have to separate myself from my business.

      I had a long talk with myself and pushed out of the shell I was in. It wasn’t easy, but I did it.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  33. Sylviane Nuccio
    Twitter:
    July 1, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    Hi Donna,

    Wow, talk about analysis paralysis! This seems to be an extreme case of it. How I would love to go in and analyse her subconscious mind. Not even 12 years of bullying affected me that much. Something deep in there. Lack of self confidence and self esteem are killers.

    My uncle (my mother’s brother)is a musician and painter,and he knows how to work with wood. He has golden hands, and he was just so darn talented. But because he has always suffered from the same symptoms your client does, he never, ever did anything with his talents.

    How great that she found you and you’re able to help her with those deep issues.

    Have a great week!
    Sylviane Nuccio recently posted..10 Ways You Never Knew Would Make You Write Better And Get More TrafficMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 1, 2013 at 7:13 pm #

      Hi Sylviane,

      Oh we have been working together for years. She does have very deep issues in her subconscious mind. We did make a lot of progress over the years, but needs a lot of work on her subconscious mind.

      Wow…I love the story about your uncle. It is so sad that there are people like that who stop themselves from moving forward. I know many of them.

      Hey, I was one of those people too. I worked by butt off from therapy, hypnosis, EMDR, on and on I go. And still do……

      I just don’t want anything to stop me, especially myself!

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  34. Sue Price
    Twitter:
    July 1, 2013 at 4:29 am #

    Hi Donna

    I am sure your client is one of many. I know many people who say they could never blog or know what to say – and that whole who would be interested in me thing. Mainly women I might add.

    I know when I came online I did not know what I was going to blog about. And I have a lot of business experience and things to share.

    I never had the don’t put my photo out there but I know a heck of a lot of people who do not think it is a good thing to do. I have one friend who would not go on Facebook as her ex-husband might see her.

    As you know I have done a lot of work with people like you and worked on myself for years. Everyone should do that so they are not stopped.

    A great post and example Donna.

    Sue
    Sue Price recently posted..Storytelling In Your Online BusinessMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 1, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

      Thank you Sue.

      Oh that hang up about the photo! I cannot tell you how many people have those “excuses” about it.

      I have one client that is fearful that her ex boyfriend will see her and she is a fantastic MLM person. She won’t go on Facebook or do anything on line for fear of that.

      I tell her “But that was 15 years ago…you are married with two kids now. So is it fear or ego?” She is still thinking about it he he he.

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

  35. Harleena Singh
    Twitter:
    July 1, 2013 at 3:14 am #

    Hi Donna,

    I think you did wonderfully well by paving the right path for your client and I’m sure she would do wonders now 🙂

    Yes, some people have those kind of unknown fears due to their past experiences, and here it was her childhood issues that were stopping her. Nothing actually works other than breaking those barriers and moving ahead. You did the right thing about helping her with the Gravatar and opening her blog eventually.

    I know of a dear friend who was in a similar situation, and it took a lot of coaxing before all of us could get her out of her shell to pen her thoughts. Yes, she was nervous and had the same fear of showing her picture publicly and sharing her views with people, though I don’t know the reason why, but it was after a few years that she overcame that phase of hers. She is now writing her first book.

    Perhaps it’s the transitional phase most people go through before they realize their own potential and break through, or sometimes they need a little push from others. But yes, the first step is what they have to take themselves. You and me can just guide them to that door.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted..Fun Things To Do In Your HolidaysMy Profile

    • Donna.Merrill
      Twitter:
      July 1, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

      Hi Harleena,

      Thanks for sharing the story about your friend. I am sure glad you coaxed her to do this and now she is writing her first book! That is just wonderful.

      I know lots of people go through that transitional phase before they reach their own potential. But this gal was the extreme!

      I wanted to write that extreme example so others can see they can do it as well. I’m sure they don’t have the neuro-linking that my friend did. But if so, I hope whoever reads this can learn that they can do it!

      -Donna
      Donna.Merrill recently posted..What is stopping you?My Profile

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